018My World.

posted by Jiggy on November 20th, 2006

I have spent the last few weeks getting setup here in Kingman. It has been many days of long work hours little sleep and a growing sense of lonliness. I don’t know how to deal with this feeling, it keeps growing and morphing its shape. Somedays its lonliness, others depression and others still anger. I just want to be happy. I want to feel that this move didn’t let people down. Feel that my life has some greater meaning than just running this theater. I often lie awake at night wondering who/what I am. I don’t really know any more. All my friends told me doing this was the right thing but I still am not sure. I miss what I have left behind and almost as much I miss the things that have left me behind. I work hard when I am at work, very hard. But for what? I used to work hard for my friends and co-workers. They are long gone, moved on with their lives. Something I wish I knew how to do. I wish it was last year, granted I wasn’t in a full Manager position then but I felt happy and accomplished with myself. Now all I am is my job. I have raised up my friends and family to throw them aside to move myself to this position. I can’t shake the feeling that what I have gained is worth less than what I have given up to get here. The ghosts of my life seem to visit much more often now then they ever have before, I would give this up to get back what I had. The money and the title mean nothing without people to share it with. I would give up my promotion to have my life back. I need a hug.