029A Not So Simple Question
posted by Jiggy on June 12th, 2009
I have been wrestling with these thoughts for weeks now. I don’t really know how to answer the question but I think it may help to write my thoughts about it down here. Before we get to the question I think it only fair to give some idea as to my point of view when attacking this question. 1) I have been dealing with a great deal of depression lately. Entirely self inflicted. Following the actions of ex-girlfriends on the net and what not. Leaving me with nothing but a pit in my stomach seeing how they have moved on and left me here alone. 2) Being lonely. Missing everyone I know in the world because I made the choice to follow my career first instead of the people I love. 3) lastly, since the beginning of May my work schedule has changed leaving me drained and just all around angry.
So now we move to the question at hand. How to react to a good friend doing something most feel to be a horribly self destructive behavior. They recognize the problem but claim to be powerless when it comes to stopping it. To be fair, this does make them happy even within the loss of self.
How do I react? I have come up with a few possible answers, none of which seem to fully answer the question: A) Swallow the desire to help and realize it isn’t something you can help by opening your mouth. Find a way to be happy for them, and watch them stop being the person you care about and become someone else. B) Take the hard line approach and not talk to them at all until they start to work on fixing what has lead them to this self destructive place. More than likely losing them forever. C) Work up some guidelines of some kind to govern what you talk to them about. Give them friendship but with limits. Leave said behavior out of the friendship. Losing part of the closeness the friendship had because you have closed yourself off to part of their life. D) maintain the status quo. Keep talking, hoping that they will save themselves before they have morphed into something different. But then you are just devaluing all they feel. They do want what is going on, so constantly telling them it is bad is, well, a waste of breath.
I throw myself on the mercy of the court. Any thoughts or ideas would be great. My ability to sleep would thank you.
001: Patrick,
June 12th, 2009 at 7:30 amC - You are not a person who would easily sit by the side and leave them out on their own. You need to be interacting, and they most likely need you to be interacting but you also have to set limits. You can’t let yourself get swallowed by this.
002: Kismet,
June 16th, 2009 at 2:13 pmI am sorry you are having friend issues. You can’t really do much for them. My best suggestion is to remain their friend, and be there when it falls apart. That’s when people truly need their friends the most. I have stood by and watched friends, who I tried to help stop their downward fall, crash and then be left alone. If they are the type of friend you care deeply about, the above is my suggestion.
If they are not close, you may just for your own sake; walk away. You admitted to having depression problems, and “fixing” others is not something you need to do. Concentrate on yourself more. Take it from a friend (Yes are my friend still sweetie…still remember the fun and miss it sometimes) you don’t need to worry about someone else if you are having issues of your own. Over all you will be better prepared to help them and yourself if you work on your stuff first.
See you in Sept.
003: Asai,
June 18th, 2009 at 1:16 pmI’ve been in situations like this too many times, but I don’t know if what I think is the best way to handle such situation is right for you.
All I know is that if let myself get swept away, how much help can I be if said friend decides to wakes up and see the truth? The keyword is “if”, which is unfortunate; we always hope that they will see the light even if that is not guaranteed.
I guess all I can say is do what you can but stay strong and don’t get swept away. *hugs*
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