I have been wrestling with these thoughts for weeks now. I don’t really know how to answer the question but I think it may help to write my thoughts about it down here. Before we get to the question I think it only fair to give some idea as to my point of view when attacking this question. 1) I have been dealing with a great deal of depression lately. Entirely self inflicted. Following the actions of ex-girlfriends on the net and what not. Leaving me with nothing but a pit in my stomach seeing how they have moved on and left me here alone. 2) Being lonely. Missing everyone I know in the world because I made the choice to follow my career first instead of the people I love. 3) lastly, since the beginning of May my work schedule has changed leaving me drained and just all around angry.
So now we move to the question at hand. How to react to a good friend doing something most feel to be a horribly self destructive behavior. They recognize the problem but claim to be powerless when it comes to stopping it. To be fair, this does make them happy even within the loss of self.
How do I react? I have come up with a few possible answers, none of which seem to fully answer the question: A) Swallow the desire to help and realize it isn’t something you can help by opening your mouth. Find a way to be happy for them, and watch them stop being the person you care about and become someone else. B) Take the hard line approach and not talk to them at all until they start to work on fixing what has lead them to this self destructive place. More than likely losing them forever. C) Work up some guidelines of some kind to govern what you talk to them about. Give them friendship but with limits. Leave said behavior out of the friendship. Losing part of the closeness the friendship had because you have closed yourself off to part of their life. D) maintain the status quo. Keep talking, hoping that they will save themselves before they have morphed into something different. But then you are just devaluing all they feel. They do want what is going on, so constantly telling them it is bad is, well, a waste of breath.
I throw myself on the mercy of the court. Any thoughts or ideas would be great. My ability to sleep would thank you.
This seems to be the thing right now and it seems a good way to start writing on my site again. So here goes:
1. I am a die hard Red Wings fan. Even though I have never lived any closer to the state of Michigan than Colorado.(thanks Dad)
2. Both of my parents come from big families. My Dad has 6 brothers, My Mom has 4 sisters and 1 brother.
3. I hate the month of February.
4. Even though I have a good vocabulary and am well spoken I can’t spell to save my life.
5. I hold a record at my junior high for medalling in a state science competition 5 straight competitions. (only two per yer for three years, only one I missed was the first one my 7th grade year.)
6. I am a gamer but I can’t stand any of the Halo games. Do they revoke my card for that?
7. I have only watched one movie in a theater with the public in two years.
8. The apartment I live in is the first placed I have lived for more than a year in 7 years.
9. I have never broken up with a woman. All the relationships ended with me getting dumped.
10. I am hopelessly addicted to nerf guns. I own 13 at last count. They are great for shooting my minions with!
11. 2 of my 4 ex girlfriends are named Melissa. Yeah, no more of them. Sorry to any Melissas that have a crush on me.
12. I have currently broken 8 of the 10 commandments. Maybe 9 depending on your interpretation. I will leave it to you to figure out which. 😉
13. I am horribly competitive. Although I have worked on this in recent years.
14. I have visited 14 states. Alaska, California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, South Dakota, Michigan, Florida, Georgia, Alabama and Utah.
15. Only visited a strip club once in my life. On my 21st birthday. Thanks Duckie!
16. I am a beer snob.
17. I have given more posters to other people than I have ever kept for myself.
18. I am a member of ITS. The International Thespian Society.
19. I have a pre-occupation with watches. I own 6, only 2 of which currently work.
20. The song playing as I write this is “Teenage Dirtbag” by Weetus. I don’t know why I like this song so much.
21. I do at least one crossword puzzle a day.
22. I often get compared to Drew Carey.
23. Being short runs in my family, at 5’8″ tall I stand a full 2″ taller than my Dad.
24. I feel sorry for my sister for her birthday, September 11th.
25. I will never give up my glasses for contacts. Its a vanity thing, I think I look better in the glasses.
I was looking over the message boards(which as anyone can tell you I don’t do enough) and it made me realize something about me and my relationship with Dragoncon. I rely on the con a lot in my life. It is my main vacation every year and my main interaction with many of the people I consider friends. Many of these friends I only get to see for that one magical week. I am able to keep in contact with some of these friends through the rest of the year but my schedule makes it impossible to keep up with all of them and even some of them(whose identities will remain anonymous) that I try and stay in touch with flat ignore me. So you can see why I love this week so much. Also, it is still 7 weeks away and I am already thinking about it almost everyday.
The second thought that came to me was a slightly odd one. It finally hit home that I won’t be the guy running Harris anymore. I feel that a form of identity has been given away with this much needed break. I don’t quite know how to handle this. I love that I have an opportunity to try something new but I wonder will I be anything other than a wallflower. Like I was my first year. Running Harris gave me an identity at con. It gave me something to do. A place that I know my presence mattered.
I don’t understand this duality in my head. I can’t wait to go but I don’t really know what I will do. Even if I do nothing it will be worth it to see everyone, I just don’t know if I will feel I earned my badge. We will find out I guess.